In this blog post:
Interview with Coach Calle
Psychological Safety Success Stories
Desperate call to Coach Calle
I met Coach Calle the day I received a long attacking e-mail from my boss and I was in tears. Calle was very sympathetic but also practical with some great guiding words about staying strong and true to oneself.
While people schooled in the methodologies of healthy communications all agree on this idea of psychological safety, I had to wonder if it was possible to create it when only one side was committed. Therefore, I was eager to interview Calle and record her wisdom in a blog post.
Below is the interview I conducted with Coach Calle Foster to learn ways that she helps people to establish that psychological safety – when has it worked, and what to do when it is clearly never going to work.
First a little background story to set the stage.
When excitement turns to dread
Entering each one-on-one meeting, I braced for criticism, yet still found myself blindsided by the endless negative issues ascribed to me. I had advocated for hiring my new boss, impressed by her interview claims of dedication to “growing people.” I eagerly anticipated our collaboration; confident she would recognize my capabilities and use her expertise to help me further develop my skills.
I had hired, trained, built, analyzed, created content, wooed leaders, supported colleagues and had numerous success stories to back me up in my position. Surely, someone capable of these accomplishments deserved some constructive coaching. I knew I still had a lot to learn in balancing leadership responsibilities and didn’t always delegate as much as I should, but a skilled leader would massage my executive presence and encourage letting go, right?
Unfortunately, it quickly became evident that the commitment to her subordinate’s professional growth was insubstantial. During my brief tenure under this supervisor, I encountered a pattern of unwarranted criticism. If one of my Team Leads was not excelling, it was attributed to my oversight. Efforts to implement a long-unused program were met with disapproval, and when the same program later proved unexpectedly useful, I faced further criticism. Despite consistently going above and beyond, the focus remained on identifying my perceived shortcomings.
I felt I tried to establish a psychologically safe environment time and again but was soundly rebuffed and ignored. Coming from a double major in Women’s Studies and Psychology, I was truly surprised at how much an ‘emotional discussion’ could make someone visibly squirm in their chair.
Positive leadership is admittedly a skill to be learned
I love the idea of focusing on the positive and bringing out people’s strengths. But I get it – easier said than done! In leading people with many kinds of strengths… and quirks, I came to believe that most strengths are counterbalanced with weaknesses in any individual. I understand how difficult it is to stay focused on the positive when we are in a state of stress and trying to get something done. Sometimes you want your folks to tackle the problem in a certain way and they're insistent that they get to do the opposite. As leaders, drawing out talents is not a simple linear equation. This is why there are many books written on this subject.
Though it was frequently tricky, maintaining a psychologically safe space was very important to me. In fact, I preferred a text from a Direct with a “What the heck?” message, because I knew that meant my folks felt comfortable expressing themselves to me.
Indeed, this is the reason for yet another piece of writing on the idea of developing employee wellness. Although positive leadership coaching, listening skills and psychological safety have become common concepts in today's workplace - they are clearly easier to talk about than to implement.
Psychological Safety – a quick overview
The concept of psychological safety has emerged as a critical factor for employee well-being and organizational success. Coined by Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson, psychological safety refers to a shared belief that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking. In a psychologically safe workplace, employees feel comfortable showing up authentically, expressing ideas, giving feedback, and admitting mistakes without fear of retribution (Edmondson, Amy C.).
In the book “Crucial Conversations”, the authors point out that as soon as one feels ‘unsafe’, they are playing from a defensive space, which does not foster the kind of creativity and proactive over-achieving we all hope to see in our employees. Though the book has many gold-nuggets, I think the shortest summation is: “When it’s safe you can say anything.” (Patterson, Kerry, et al.).
According to a Gallup workplace survey in 2022 61% of people are looking for better work life balance and well-being and 58% want the ability to do what they do best. (Wigert, Ben. ‘Workplace’, “The Top 6 Things Employees Want in their Next Job”, Feb, 21, 2022. https://www.gallup.com/workplace/389807/top-things-employees-next-job.aspx)
And now finally – the interview with Coach Calle:
Defining Psychological Safety
Q: How do you define psychological safety in the workplace?
A: Psychological safety is the feeling that you can be your true self at work without fear of negative consequences. It means being able to express, emote, give feedback, and contribute authentically. This environment allows employees to feel safe in both their successes and failures, ensuring their job security is not at risk. According to Amy Edmondson in her book, The Fearless Organization, fostering an environment where failing together and conducting post-mortems as a team can enhance learning and innovation. Employees should feel they can fail and discuss it openly without fear of losing their jobs.
Q: Why is psychological safety important for employees and organizations?
A: Employees perform their best when they feel safe. In a psychologically safe environment, feedback becomes a critical component, encouraging critical thinking and innovation. Without this safety, employees might become "yes-men," prioritizing agreement over innovation, stalling the organization’s progress. Edmondson emphasizes that workplaces that allow employees to challenge ideas and provide honest feedback are the ones that move forward and contribute significantly to society.
Identifying the Problem
Q: What are some common signs that an employee is working under an unsupportive supervisor?
A: Employees working under unsupportive supervisors often exhibit signs of stress and disengagement. They may hesitate to speak up in meetings, avoid taking risks, and show decreased creativity and productivity. A quick pulse check can help assess psychological safety: rate from 1-10 how safe you feel showing up authentically and building relationships at work. A low score might indicate an underlying issue.
Q: How can an employee assess their current level of psychological safety at work?
A: Regular self-check-ins are crucial. Ask yourself if you feel safe expressing your ideas and concerns. Engage in conversations with colleagues to see if they share similar feelings. If you suspect a lack of psychological safety, it’s essential to initiate discussions with your supervisor or HR to address these concerns.
Strategies for Employees
Q: What are some effective strategies employees can use to establish psychological safety when their supervisor is not supportive?
A: One approach is to build alliances with colleagues. Creating a support network within your team can help foster a safer environment. Collaborating with peers who share the goal of a psychologically safe workspace can amplify efforts and create a more significant impact.
Q: How can employees build alliances with colleagues to create a safer working environment?
A: Start by having open and honest conversations with colleagues about your concerns and experiences. Form a group that regularly meets to discuss strategies for fostering a safe environment. This collective effort can slowly influence the broader organizational culture.
Q: Have you seen any strategies that really work?
Yes, one effective strategy is to engage in regular, structured feedback sessions. By normalizing feedback and making it a routine part of team meetings, employees can become more comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns. Additionally, documenting interactions and maintaining transparency can help hold everyone accountable.
Communication Techniques
Q: What communication techniques can employees use to address concerns with an unsupportive supervisor?
A: Effective communication is key. Techniques from sales, such as gaining buy-in by making it feel like it was the supervisor’s idea, can be useful. For example, phrases like, “Would it make sense if we worked together on this issue?” can help frame the conversation positively. It’s also important to document all interactions meticulously, providing a record that can be referred to if needed.
Q: How can employees provide feedback to their supervisors in a way that might improve the situation without jeopardizing their own position?
Providing feedback should be done thoughtfully. Focus on being constructive and use “I” statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. For instance, “I feel that more open communication would benefit our team’s productivity.” This approach reduces defensiveness and opens up a dialogue.
Q: Some people seem to have a natural ability to please anyone they talk to and others seem to fall flat, what do you recommend to these folks?
A: Charisma, while certainly can be a natural predisposition, it can also be learned, practiced and deployed successfully. Charisma involves showing up confidently and influencing others positively. Employees should practice demonstrating value in small ways, building their influence gradually. Leading by example and sharing space with colleagues can create an environment where self-advocacy is normalized.
Self-Advocacy
Q: How can employees advocate for themselves without fear of retaliation?
A: I cannot stress enough the importance of keeping very meticulous notes. Every single interaction needs to be documented, so that when you have to take your complaint to HR, there is no question that you have made every reasonable effort establish a positive relationship with your boss.
I have an example of a client named Harry Potter. He struggled to stay aligned with his leader and felt like they were just communicating in two different languages, resulting in tension and confusion about scope and work expectations. He felt like everything was a moving target, he was always doing something a little bit wrong, and wasn’t quite sure where he stood with this leader, despite previous attempts at alignment. This leader was consistently short with him, seemed distracted in their one-on-one meetings, and provided an environment where he always felt like he was at risk of termination. When it came to talking about performance, sales, and client relationships the conversations always got contentious, as the expectations originally laid out had unknowingly evolved, and Harry had nothing to show for it.
After a few weeks of feeling uneasy about their job security as a result of these contentious conversations, Harry approached every one-on-one, follow up conversation, check-in, etc., with a specific structure.
1. 3 P’s (people, performance, projects) - high-level, win/solution-focused
2. Clarified dates & expectations
3. Clarified feedback and go-do items and wrote them down (ex. Manager said the project due date is June 20th, with a proof review by June 13th).
4. Carved out 15-30 min afterwards to make specific note of tone, mutual commitments, specific remarks, misalignment, micro aggressions, and bullying
But if we are being real, the relationship developed was already tanking with not a lot of upside, so the steps above didn’t always work. Being honest about level of understanding, bandwidth, and support needs and often comes from a vulnerable place. And some leaders don’t have the empathy skills to understand needs.
This is where the documenting in step 4 comes in handy. It’s near-impossible to protect yourself unless you have proof. So, my HR tip here is when you start to feel targeted, C.Y.A. Follow these steps;
1. Go back and look in your calendar over the last couple of months and document any significant conversations/emails/messages that include unreasonable behavior (commitment shifts, blame, micro aggressions, bullying), and include the story/context that you can remember.
2. Moving forward, document every conversation.
3. Track dates, and the medium of communication.
4. When you get the point of fearing for your job because of unreasonable “leadership” behavior, find a trusted HR representative and get it on record.
Ultimately, finding an advocate and being clear about outcomes of every interaction helped this employee to make his decision to move on.
Q: What steps can employees take to document instances of unsupportive behavior or unsafe work environments?
A: Maintaining detailed records of interactions and incidents is crucial. Use a journal or digital notes to log dates, times, conversations, and outcomes. This documentation can be invaluable if the situation escalates, and you need to involve HR or other external resources.
Seeking External Support
Q: When should an employee consider seeking support from HR or other external resources?
A: If internal efforts to address the issue are unsuccessful and the situation persists, it may be time to seek support from HR. HR can provide mediation, guidance, and, if necessary, facilitate a move to a different department. Knowing when to escalate the issue is critical to protecting your well-being and career.
Q: What role can a coach play in helping an employee navigate a challenging relationship with their supervisor?
A: A leadership coach can offer personalized strategies and support, helping employees navigate difficult relationships and build self-awareness. Coaches assist in understanding stress responses and developing behaviors that align with the situation’s needs. They guide employees in showing up as their best selves, even in challenging environments.
Building Resilience
Q: How can employees build resilience and maintain their well-being in a psychologically unsafe environment?
A: Resilience involves recognizing when a situation is misaligned with your values and taking steps to protect your well-being. Sometimes this means finding ways to cope and navigate through the environment; other times, it might mean stepping away from the role if it significantly impacts your life satisfaction. Understanding your goals and aligning your actions towards them can help manage stress and maintain focus.
Q: What personal practices can help employees manage stress and anxiety related to an unsupportive supervisor?
A: Regular self-care practices, such as mindfulness, exercise, and hobbies, can mitigate stress. Building a strong support network outside of work is also crucial. Additionally, setting clear boundaries and focusing on aspects of the job that you can control can help maintain a sense of agency.
Psychological Safety Success Stories?
Q: Can you share any success stories where an employee managed to improve their psychological safety despite having an unsupportive supervisor?
A: One example involves an employee who used structured feedback sessions to gradually improve communication with an unsupportive supervisor. By consistently documenting interactions and providing constructive feedback, the employee was able to foster a more open and collaborative relationship. This led to a significant improvement in the team’s dynamic and productivity.
Q: What lessons can be learned from these examples?
A: Persistence and strategic communication are key. Building psychological safety is a gradual process that requires patience and resilience. Documenting interactions and seeking allies can amplify efforts and lead to a positive shift in the workplace culture.
Most Important Piece of Advice
Q: What is the most important piece of advice you would give to someone struggling with an unsupportive supervisor?
A: The most crucial advice is to know who you need or want to be in each moment. Channeling your inner strengths and showing up with confidence can make a significant difference. Ask yourself, “What does brave [your name] do in this moment?” and strive to embody that bravery consistently. This mindset can help navigate challenging environments with confidence and resilience.
Conclusion
Establishing psychological safety in the workplace, especially under an unsupportive supervisor, is challenging but achievable. By defining psychological safety, recognizing signs of an unsupportive environment, employing effective strategies and communication techniques, and seeking external support when necessary, employees can foster a safer and more productive work environment. Building resilience and practicing self-advocacy are crucial steps towards ensuring personal well-being and professional growth. Remember, your efforts not only benefit you but also pave the way for a healthier workplace for everyone who comes after you.
These pieces of advice are just a few morsels of wisdom that Coach Calle has imparted to me in just a few brief conversations. I personally love how she emphasizes taking care of oneself first, embodying what the strong, yet wise Christie might do in a difficult situation, and when all else fails, document the heck out of every single interaction!
There are many articles & posts that try to reinforce the importance of creating safety for one’s employees, but for those stuck in an unhealthy situation, it is a struggle to work your way out. Maybe there are some helpful morsels of advice in this article. If not leave me a comment on the community page.
REFERENCES:
Patterson, Kerry, et al. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. 2nd ed., McGraw-Hill, 2012.
Edmondson, Amy C. The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth. Wiley, 2019.